If you’re reading this, it’s too late

If you’re reading this, it’s too late.

The semester will end tomorrow, erasing with it the possibility of ever accomplishing most of the goals you set this August. We’ve compiled a list of lies we all tell ourselves to assure you that you are not alone.


  • I’ll be organized this semester


This dream was pronounced dead approximately two weeks into the school year when you started using your binders as all-purpose folders and forgot to stop.


  • I’ll eat healthier this school year


You tell yourself this every night as you make great plans for your lunch tomorrow. Then, when you wake up 10 minutes after you were supposed to be in class, you remember why you consider granola bars their own food group.


  • I’ll pull straight As


This seemed like a very real possibility before the fateful event you can only bring yourself to refer to as that test sunk your dreams. You prayed to the Rogerhub gods all dead week that your all-night study sessions would somehow be enough to save you.


  • I’ll wear sweatpants a maximum of once per week


When push comes to shove, you just don’t have the time or energy to put together a cute outfit every single day. Or ever. Plus, wearing sweats is the closest you can get to staying in bed, and what other pants hide that you skipped leg day for the second week in a row?


  • I’ll get in shape


…but then Trader Joe’s brought back Peppermint Joe Joe’s. Does lifting the cookie to your mouth count as “lifting”? Plus, round is a shape.

If you failed at any of these or your other first semester goals, fear not. Let it go and forgive yourself–you’ve grown so much this semester and second semester is your second chance. Until then, enjoy your well-earned break. In the wise words of Drake, “They always tell me nobody’s working as hard as you and even though I laugh it off, man, it’s probably true.”